in a recent poll I did, it asked if you could rate your live with 1 or 2 being down in the dumps and 10 being perfect- what would you rate yourself as?
I choose 9- because I honestly couldn't figure out what I felt- I feel down the drain but if I somehow earn my husband's trust again its 1000000000 infinity sign here<-- but the chances of seeing my husband again or saving / mending my marriage just seems so ... low.
He's my everything and right now I'm loosing him due to a divorce where I cant seem to do anything to get him back but simply give him room to think, breath and pray that a miracle will happen. I haven't signed the papers and I wont because my everything.
He's this silly, goofy and spontaneous guy who breaks into a dance with a broom, or brings me chocolate milk when I'm sad or purs or coos for me and wiggles when he's so happy. He's thoughtful and inspirational in so many ways then I ever thought....He has this incredible, beautiful mind that never ceases to surprise me or inspire me. In a way he's like... my hero... that one person I'd want to meet in my life, like Picasso, or Johnny Depp, he's that amazing! he's the knight in shining armor you dream about having growing up, only whose had too many beat ups because he's fought so hard for you and he's so patient and understanding with me even on my worst days when I suffer from ptsd, anxiety, or when I'm depressed and angry or just bad days in general when nothing makes sense and he's that one person you wish you could have because he seems to be able to lift your spirit in an instant or cheer you up when you cant do it anymore.... he really lifts me up and makes me soar through the skies and dance under the stars. He makes me shine like the sun and lets me know just how precious and beautiful I am when I cant see it myself and he makes me laugh so hard playing peek-a-boo or tickling me so much I pee- tmi ik- but- he brings me hope when I think there is none, he is the happiness I dreamed of having- the peace I always wanted, the adventure of a lifetime. He sees these things I wouldn't have even thought to look or see in his pictures and art, he's so thoughtful and inventive with cooking and medicine, plants and animals- he's such a good caregiver- gentle and sweet. He's the one person I could count on. He's brave and then again- he's human prone to err and some days he feels so lost and alone and other days..., dark and hatred... but... he's that spark that keeps me going when all else fails. He's my hope. My dreams. My life...he's himself. He's my Joshy. my Spinian. The bugg king to my being the Bugg queen.
so again I choose nine, maybe because, I'm not 10 happy because of the divorce being a pain, but I'm a nine because I still have him and that's more then anything this world could give me.